Picking Up, Letting Go

To awaken is to see that this sense of self is not what i have taken it to be all along

✍🏽

I’ve been reasonably dysregulated this year and have been sitting with it and, when appropriate, intentionally interrupting the unquestioned narratives that default in my 🧠

I am consciously negotiating my reality through language. Here goes…

The story that constructed itself and believed in itself:

I wanted a child

I never got one

I wanted a stable loving marriage

I never got one

I wanted to feel seen and met by him

He pushed me away

So the story goes in my head…

If we were to ask my heart how the story goes, it would go a little something like this:

I wasn’t convinced I’d be a good mother

So I never conceived

I wanted a stable loving marriage

So I left every single relationship that was not sustainable

I never settled

I wanted adventure without drama

So I did it solo

I wanted apocalyptic love and passion

So I co-created it

Many times over

I wanted to heal old shit

So I engaged in relationships that would bring it up for me

I wanted something

I went for it

I realized something wasn’t for me

I dropped it

I wanted to stand on my own two feet

I am learning to do it with an open heart

🫀

Picking up

Letting go

Picking up

Letting

Go

🌬️

It’s an ebb and flow

Of data points

Whirlwinds

Identities

Momentum

Stagnation

And backtracking

🦀

I love with everything i have

♋️