Orienting towards thresholds

It’s hard to carry on with your day
As if nothing’s happened

To lean into the inky darkness
And not turn away
Stay with it
Unwilling to numb out and compartmentalize

Grief is a skill
A teacher
A superpower
What makes us human
What holds this pen

I have to metabolize this

So I closed up shop and called my people

They stepped in
Up
And here i am

i look around and i do not feel alone
i do not feel in the dark
i choose to do something
Everyday
So this nightmare doesn’t wither away unceremoniously
i do not feel like I didn’t honor this process
Because I did

None of the work has made my grief go away
Rather, the work helps me better understand this moment
Slow down enough to experience some semblance
Of order and beauty
And balance

Slow down enough
to allow myself
to be met
Seen
Held
By my people

Knowing I couldn’t sift through this wreckage on my own

Thank you for witnessing my grief
Rage
Bewilderment

I continue to orient towards my thresholds